I've really been struggling with this question lately. I put hours and hours on end working on my writing and my website. But then negativity hit me one day and a little bit of a harsh reality came about. I realize the billions of people in the world. Then I drew that down to the portion of people who try to break into the writing world. With my overall dream to become an author, libraries sometimes depress me. I look at the tall shelves of books that go down aisles on end and I look in the mirror and ask myself how in the world am I supposed to compete with all of this.
I don't feel entitled that I have some magical story to tell. I don't have the right answer to it all. I hardly can sort out my own life. And if my blogs get more than 30 hits per day I'm ecstatic.
But if I weren't to write anymore....would it really matter? Do my words really matter?
In comparison to the writers in the Christian sphere....they're a lot wiser than me. They're a lot more experienced than me. Their words flow eloquently through their fingers to reach thousands if not millions. For the most part they are great messages that they are conveying. Conversations that need to happen are exuded in their writing. So I don't want them to stop. But I'm in competition with them? No.
I am encouraged to write more. To practice. To expand my reach. I am encouraged. I am filled with passion. This is what fellow Christian writers do for my heart and my passions.
So where does that leave me and what I write?
With a world that is so convoluted with negativity, distortion, dumb down commentary and watered down conversation. Why shouldn't I write?? I'm not saying that my words are the all powerful and will change the world. But if someone spends 5....maybe 10 minutes scrolling through words of encouragement; I think that's a whole lot better than 10 minutes being talked down to and having a mind numbed out.
Through my words I hope to inspire creativity, positivity and inquiry. I hope that it would change, if ever so slightly, where we go to find our entertainment and what we absorb.
If you find yourself asking if what you do matters, just know that the motive and conversation that happen can go one of two ways positive and negative. So what type of impact would you like to have on the world?
Well folks! Here we go.
I have been in Ireland now for 4 full days now and the craziness is just now sinking in. I have been hard at work in the cafe which is where I'll be helping out most. I'm still learning but the staff here have been so affirming in how they've been teaching me. Never negative nor condemning as I am told to sweep the same spot until it is perfectly clean or told to put on my hair net for the millionth time!
Hopefully some of this stuff is creating in me a habit so by next week I will be completely capable and solid in the jobs I have been trained in. Mini-victories for myself have ranged from navigating foreign airports and transit systems to making myself my first cappuccino.
The days are full but go by so very quickly. I haven't had much time to go out and see the city because a full days work mixed with jet lag has me wanting to put my feet up at the end of the day and then crash! (only to be awaken by the drunk lads shouting outside at 3 a.m. but that is a story for a different time)
In this ministry everyone I work with is just so real about how life is. No sugar coating or trying to over simplify how things go here. For example, I was told when I first arrived that I would be a little shell shocked by the use of cursing here, which remains true. I still am a little taken back when I hear a young person dropping the 'f-bomb' without even flinching to worry about who is around. It's simply their culture. But the ministry itself is completely upfront about the realities of what go on and how things work. But it is done in such a loving way I already feel incredibly welcomed here.
Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to adjust; not just physically but also emotionally and spiritually. Pray that God gives me the boldness to step out of my comfort zone and strive for building relationships with these kids.